I had a good upbringing. I didn’t grow up in poverty, wondering where my food was going to come from or going to a food bank to eat. I went to school and got a new uniform; I had the opportunity to go to university and got a weekly allowance from my parents. I was fortunate. I then worked hard and got a job with a planning consultancy after graduating from university. I was earning my own money and enjoying that. Earning my own money and being independent made me happy when I thought about how lucky I was that this was my life. It made me happy when I thought how lucky I was both my parents worked hard in order to give me a really good childhood, I had the money and knowledge to go and graduate from university, I could afford to go out for dinner most weekends, I had the opportunities in my life that led me on to a successful path. I was grateful for all that and it made me feel lucky and gave me feelings of happiness …but I was not happy. I was sad and anxious and the biggest thought running through my mind around that time was “what have you got to be sad about”. Feeling happy or sad affects everyone. The person living in poverty not able to get their child a Christmas present while having to work 2 jobs to make sure there is at least some food on the table has a very healthy and happy child, so they feel happy. A multi-millionaire who has everything he could possibly want can be severely depressed or have addiction issues. Why? Because everyone goes up and down on the spectrum of sad-happy regardless of income, status, background, gender, age, race or upbringing. We all have moments of happiness, of extreme happiness even, say when there is a new baby in the family, a wedding, when you buy a homeless person a cup of tea and you make their day, when you are sat with your healthy family at Christmas and they are happy, when you get that promotion at work, when you can fit into that dress that has been too small for you for years …there are lots of things that can bring moments of happiness. In my experience, my general level of happiness that is not from happy moments like a promotion, a new baby etc, comes from 3 things: working on my self-development (physical, mental, intellectual); my environment and my basic needs being met, and helping other people. If I find something that I can do that combines the best parts of these 3 things, it's likely that thing is something I am passionate about and it makes me happy. For me, working in childcare is that thing. It allows me to work on my self-development; while being a stressful job I see wonder and adventure in children’s eyes which intrigues me, and I am helping both children and my colleagues on a daily basis. My job makes me happy. Do I get paid well for it? Not particularly. The childcare industry isn’t known for being a good earning career, but I can’t think of a job that I would get more satisfaction out of.
When I started my professional career after leaving university, I wanted to do my absolute best at my job so I could work my way up the ladder, so I could earn more and more money, so I could get to a respected position in the industry. I thought “that will make me happy”. “I will be happy when I…”. I had my blinkers on and was not paying attention to what was going to make me happy in the present moment, in the journey to getting that promotion. I realise that for some people the journey might be horrendous and so getting that promotion or earning a certain amount or getting to that status in a company may well bring happiness, as everyone has their own version of what makes them happy, but getting that promotion or earning more money was just going to make me happy for the day I achieved it, waking up the following day and striving for the next promotion or more money again. Quote from Bob Marley: “Money is numbers and numbers never end. If it takes money to be happy, your search for happiness will never end”. I had not learned how to be content. Some say contentment is the barrier to success. If you are content, then you will never strive to get better. In my eyes, contentment is a great thing to have. I am very content in my current job as a preschool teacher but I am trying to improve my skills and professional practice all the time, not because it will get me a promotion or get me paid more, but because I want to better myself. I want to improve upon my self-development and that will have a side effect of promotions, money etc. As I said before, working on my self-development is something that brings me happiness.
I feel like happiness is not something that can be attained or sustained. It's something I experience by truly understanding myself and my own emotions and trying to live as much of my life as possible in the present moment. When it comes to achievements, focusing all my energy on the process and not the end result is more beneficial to my general level of happiness. For me, truly enjoying the process is what brings me happiness in the here and now. Happiness is the choices that I make in the present moment and how I enjoy the process, though for some the end goal is where they feel the happiest. If I have issues with money, my career, my relationships, my weight or appearance, or anything is causing me to be upset, improving around those issues will remove the reasons for being upset but if self-acceptance isn't at my core, I feel like a new sadness would just replace the old one. No aspect of my behaviour or physical appearance can affect my intrinsic value as a human being. If I set out to achieve something, I would first ask myself where my level of self-acceptance is. For example, wanting to lose a stone, I wouldn’t tell myself I’ll be happy when I lose that stone. I would tell myself I accept the way I am now, but I would feel more comfortable in a months’ time or however long it takes to lose that weight, with some added flexibility and energy. That way if I do reach my goal, I will be happy that I lost the weight but will also enjoy other aspects of the transition, and not just the end result. “I’m even happier now with some weight off and also have more energy and flexibility which makes me feel even better”. I know extremely fit people who spend 6 days a week in the gym, they’re happy and healthy, and I know people who are overweight or even obese, and they’re unhealthy and depressed. I also know people who are extremely fit/skinny and go to the gym every day, they’re not healthy and they are depressed, and I know people who are overweight yet are have a very healthy life and are very happy.
Life contains inevitable pain and suffering that you can't do anything about. Accept and deal with the pain in however you want to deal with it. You do have choice and control over how you react to that pain. I think part of being human is experiencing moments of happiness and moments without happiness. That’s part of the deal. Life has moments where happiness seems like something that will never be experienced and seems so far away it may as well be on mars. But instead of searching for it and constantly trying to get to a point where you can sit back and say “I’m happy now”, it has been helpful for me to just accept the fact I’m not currently happy now, but it will come when something good does happen, which it will. You can book a holiday or plan a meal with friends or something, so you have something to look forward to (which is beneficial, having something to look forward to), but try not to plan your happiness for the distant future. Do something every day you enjoy. I enjoy watching good films, lifting weights, doing yoga, talking to someone about James Bond and, believe it or not, playing. I’m an adult who likes playing. I’m a weirdo and can chat to myself for hours or will make up stupid games to play with my friends. Play can improve happiness, even if it’s on your own. Seriously, look into it, play as an adult can boost your happiness. https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/adults-need-recess-too-here-s-why-you-should-make-ncna887396
There are 7 things I try to tick off my list each day that helps maintain a good level of happiness as well as keeping any mental health issues I have at bay (though sometimes it can come out of nowhere even if you’re doing all the right things).
- Get enough sleep
- Eat right
- Move
- Connect with people
- Laugh & play
- Get enough of your own space
- Spend time in nature.
I try to tick off all 7 things on a daily basis. This is just a start though. There are so many things you can do to improve your happiness, but a good start is trying to have these 7 things in your day.
I also write down what I’m grateful for and what were the highlights of my day, I do yoga, I meditate, I speak up about my feelings, I take time out of my day to do something I enjoy doing, I work on my relationships, I take medication, I try not to eat too much rubbish food, I listen to music I like, I try to help people out during my day, I try to get to bed on time, I don’t drink during the week, I try to talk to lots of people…the list goes on. It’s not easy trying to keep a stable mind and working on happiness levels but put in the work and reap the rewards. Happiness levels will increase. “Don’t worry, be happy, cause every little thing, is gonna be alright”.